this blog is a little word-heavy, but completely and romantically worth it…
n. pl. des·ti·nies. 1. the inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined;
i’ve always been a “glass half full” type of gal. i’m an idealist, an optimist, a romantic if you must… i agree that everything happens for a reason and i believe in destiny.
of course i’ve been hindered by this philosophy quite a few many times because i simply live in a realistic world. i’ve cursed myself day in and day out for constantly wanting the moon within reach. but if i don’t try, then what is the point?
i never really want to be fully satisfied. i always encourage a little bit of healthy dissatisfaction. this way i keep going, i keep trying, and i keep working hard so at the end of the road, i’ll know that i lived.
oscar wilde once said, “to live is rare, most people simply exist.”
i’ve always felt a connection to all things “francais.” growing up, photos of the eiffel tower seemed so dreamy and fairytale-like. it still seems that way. to me, a life in Paris would be the most romantic, adventurous, creme de la creme life ever.
i was lucky enough to study abroad in the south of france and i felt that experience being the first time that i really “came into my own.” france inspired me. i remember visiting Paris and walking up to the eiffel tower. i’d seen it in pictures so many times I expected it to feel normal to me, as if I’d been there before. but it didn’t feel that way at all. it felt just as magical as a parade or a kiss or the burst of a firework. and a piece of the puzzle fell into place.
i knew that Paris and i were always destined to be together.
that was four years ago and ever since, i’d been trying to find my way back. i’ve tried endless contact e-mails, job applications, internships, additional schooling, even sending my resume to versailles and contacting the french embassy! i tried and tried and tried and yet nothing was working, so i gave it a break and stopped looking.
it’s been two years since i graduated college and i’m a bit ashamed and embarrassed to say that it’s been miserable. after a go-around in new york city and working retail jobs and crying countless nights because i can’t pay my loans, i really hit a wall. i found that deleting my facebook was the best thing for me because i wasn’t constantly seeing everyone’s latest achievements.
still, every day i’ve thought about Paris. the streets and crepe stands and the way the water reflects along the seine.
the past few months have been the happiest i’ve been since graduating. i have a good group of friends, the days are longer and brighter, and i’ve found that riding my bike is the best therapy. i’m doing okay. actually, i’m doing a little better than okay.
a few weeks ago i got an e-mail, out of the blue, from a french contact of mine (one that i had e-mailed last year practically saying, “help me move to france!!!”) my friend knew of a friend of a friend who was looking for an au pair and asked if i was interested in more information. without hesitation i said ouiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
i’ll make this crazy long story short and spare you the details, but a really cute family in Paris with two boys were looking for an au pair. the money is what you’d expect, not much. and the job is what you’d expect, being a nanny- which is something new to me.
but for the first time in a long long time, i believe in destiny again. this job found me. Paris found me. and nothing in my life seems to make more sense than this situation. it “feels” right. it’s not that i want to do it or don’t want to do it (though i desperately do want to do it) it’s that i “have” to do it. i was always meant to experience this and i don’t know how to explain it.
so here i am now. today. and come the middle of august… i’ll be seeing Paris once again.
oui, me! little ‘ole lindsay from tennessee is moving to Paris.
i can only think of the audrey hepburn film sabrina when her father says, “you’re still reaching for the moon.” and sabrina replies with, “no. the moon is reaching for me.”
i can’t tell you i’m excited, because though i most certainly am, this is a completely different kind of excitement than i’m accustomed too. it’s a dream, a miracle, the work of fate, the energy of the universe, whatever you like to call it. it’s a version of what i’ve always wanted and a version of what i’m meant for.
my blog posts are about to get much more exciting. in fact, i have two more huge surprises, announcements, and changes happening on the blog this week. so stay tuned because in just two months, I’ll be blogging from France!!!